Time for Nurturing

Time of departure: 7:05am
Return: 9:03am
Sunrise: 6:29am
Sunset: 5:38am
Phase of the moon: Waxing Gibbous, 83% illuminated, rises at 1:13pm

Temperature: 31F
Wind Chill: 27F
Dew Point: 26F
Lake Temp: 33F-35F

Route: The usual but partially off-trail. I think we had a longer walk at the end, you know it's getting warmer out when this happens.
Approx Distance: 5.5-ish miles
Running buddy: Matt
Clothing: Running tights! Yes! I was getting bored with all the bagginess of my army pants. The new RCW: shoes, socks, running tights, wicker, t-shirt, breaker, gator, hat, knit gloves. Gator came off early in the run.

The Drive Activity: unmentionable.
Dog beach Activity: 3 peeps with dogs
People tally:
4 Walkers
5 Runners (we recognized 1 of them!!)
5 Cyclists (we recognized 2 of them! So cool!!)
10 People with dogs

What did I eat pre-run? 1/2 banana, 1 cup of water.
How did I feel? Awesome. I like running faster.
What do I like about running? It gives me time to think, time to check in with myself.
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Environmental commentary? Do I really want to talk about the weather? Do you want to read about the weather? The ground was snowy. Icy. Crunchy-slushy. Sometimes wet; Matt got a wet foot. Sometimes we could run on the path, but we ran along side it as much as on it. Gray sky. Cold, but not that cold. I hardly even think it even deserves to be called cold, it’s more cool than cold. Blah. I’m bored with these conditions. I’m ready for something new. Like mud. Or dirt. Or sand. Maybe some sand… But snow and ice and slush? I feel like I’ve seen enough, run in enough of this stuff so that it’s old news. Old news.

Yesterday I worked. I love my job. There are few things I’d rather be doing. But yesterday when I was pushing my way through the heavy sound-proofing glass door that leads to the front of the clinic, I had this sense of, “I have to be sweet and patient and loving and genuine and present…again??” Yes, Mary. So I found it in myself to be these things, but I realize I’m not getting enough nurturing. I’m not getting enough love. I have never, in the 3½ years I’ve been doing this full-time, had any thoughts like these before. This sense of really having to work at drawing forth my authentic self to be present with my clients is new to me.

So today I crossed off my schedule and I’m getting a massage and maybe a pedicure. I might take myself out to lunch as well. I told Matt this was my plan, and I realized of course that my life is cush. But massage is a funny business. I touch people and hopefully make them feel better, either in the short term or long term or both, but it really isn’t just rubbing muscles. It took me awhile to really understand this idea. People are in pain, stressed out, frustrated with their lives, et cetera, and come to a massage therapist for some relief from any and all of the above. My job? Obviously, it is to work on whatever they say the physical issue is, but also to be present and authentic with them, honest with them about who I am, reflecting back who they are, and creating the space for them to find a new way of being and existing if they so choose. For me to be present to all the pain and baggage people carry around with them, without taking it on myself, is a precise and careful skill to master.

Over the years, since I started practicing massage, I have given much thought and consideration to the art of being present and authentic with someone. First, you have to learn to be authentic with yourself. So, it is necessary that you like yourself. Don’t do things that you believe to be morally objectionable. Do do things that nurture who you believe you truly are. Get in touch with you. With the universe inside your bag of skin.

One can go through life being inauthentic, stressed out, dissatisfied with their life. But where does that get you? Where does that get society? Humanity? The universe?

There was a new issue of, I believe, Newsweek Magazine at work the other day. The cover story was something about men and depression and new medical and diagnostic advances to help men with depression. It really bothered me, though I couldn’t articulate at the time what exactly that was. I haven’t read the article, maybe it was a good article, and maybe doctors are getting away from over prescribing medications and over diagnosing “mental illness.” But my impression of our society is that we are systemically unhealthy and we look for quick fixes to deeply entrenched problems.

You, American Society, are depressed? Well, unless you have an honest to goodness Axis I diagnosis, I can tell you why you’re depressed.

You don’t breathe deeply. We've wrapped the Earth in a restrictive corset of concrete, but you don't notice because you work in a box, drive in a box, live in a box, and are afraid of the elements. You’re so afraid of dying, you’ve made yourself forget what life is about. You invent trivial reasons for your existence, for your continued existence. You get worked up about stupid things. You forget life is a game. You take yourself too seriously. But you have this vague sense that there’s something else out there, some meaning you’re not grasping. Well, there is and there isn’t.

We create a world of cheap houses and plastic toys and mass-produced music and we wonder why we aren’t happy. We eat food that is energetically depleted. Food that isn't flavorful or nutritious except for the artificial flavors and sweeteners and crappy oils and fortified vitamins that trigger some feeling of satisfaction in our chemistry.

You don’t want to be depressed? Get real about life. Get your hands in some dirt. Don’t take some chemical drug to counteract 15 second sound-bites of misery and chemical addictions. Get present to yourself. Get physical. Get over your fear of death. Say what you have to say, do what you have to do to feel complete, to feel alive. Stop making excuses. Start living. Eat whole, organic, locally and sustainably grown produce. Love your food while you're smelling it, chewing it, swallowing it, feeling it heal your body and your soul. Cultivate nurturing relationships. Sip your tea with intention. Listen to live music. Don’t be too afraid of getting hurt. Allow yourself to be creative. Know what your needs are. Practice being present. Sleep enough and sleep at night. Give yourself a break.

Do you realize that your skin is the outer most layer of your nervous system? Get some positive, nurturing, loving touch. When you touch people, touch them lovingly. Honor your highest self. Eat healthy because you love yourself and love your body and love the Earth. Exercise because you love the sensation of being alert, alive, healthy, and in motion. And love people. Realize you are continuous with them, that we are part of the same fabric of the universe, and by loving others you will in turn love yourself.

This is what I do, this is what works for me.